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Employee welfare in Nigeria sucks!


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Employee welfare in Nigeria sucks! I keep hearing the same story from different people every single day. What companies don’t realize is that, you make more money when you make your employees happy. You should always treat your employees the way you want them to treat your highest paying customers. If you call some customer service lines in Nigeria, you will notice how tired, angry and hungry they sound. You can’t blame them. They don’t get paid enough. okay I’m talking too much..bye!

The Nollywood Spoof Competition


M.Y: Hey guys!!! How are you all doing this evening. I am so excited today. You know why?

Leslie: Because I am here with all my awesomeness????

M.Y: Awesome kini? Abegi shift jare!!! It’s that time of the year again. The Nollywood Movie Spoof Competition is back!!!

Leslie: Last year was so awesome. I mean check out the few entries from last year we have posted in here.

M.Y: So Leslie, as the organizer of this event, tell us a few things about the event.

Leslie: So, basically, The Nollywood Movie Spoof is an annual contest of parody & spoof designs done by amazing designers all-over Nigeria (and the world), making light jokes at Nollywood movies and its famous celebs. It is sometimes taken beyond Nollywood celebs but….

M.Y: Seriously, it’s all jokes and laughs here.

Leslie: Yeah, we don’t want no lawsuits or people walking up to us in the streets like it’s our fault or anything.

M.Y: No guys seriously…it’s just jokes.

Leslie: Okay?

M.Y: Okay…Seriously.Its.All.Just.Jokes

Leslie: So basically, the Competition started like most terrible ideas; among friends. We all shared a clear distaste for the quality of many Nollywood movies.

M.Y: We figured if they couldn’t listen to us when we spoke, then they’d listen better when we designed. The competition is just 2 years old and last year we had well over 40 entries.

Leslie: So this time we’re trying to make it bigger. Here’s the catch. Turn on your laptop, Double Click on your favorite Adobe Designing tool, Take a poster, make a Nollywood spin of it, and be creative about it. Impress us with wit, awesomeness, and a few clicks and drags.

M.Y: It’s really not too much to ask for, is it?

Leslie: So the big question is this: How do I enter the Competition right? Simple. Follow the link. https://www.facebook.com/TheNollywoodSpoof Then Like the page(if you no like am, OYO) and submit your application

M.Y: Application? Is it JAMB. LOL. Submit your designs and invite your friends to like the page and like your design.  The event runs from June 23rd 2013 to August 4th. So that’s six weeks of pure fun, laffs and unbridled raw creativity.

Leslie: now there is a big surprise folks. This year, there is going to be a price for the winner of the competition. You stand a chance of winning 10,000 naira from http://www.tosanonline.com

M.Y: Yes that’s right. 10k! Just like that.

Tosan Online is a site with the initiative to not only link the seller to his prospective buyer with all ease, but also get rid of all form of stress involved. So your stress becomes theirs. They also have very reasonable rates.

So visit http://­www.tosanonline.com/ today and start promoting your products. From cosmetic products to electronics and clothing. BRING IT ALL

Leslie: I also just thought of this. It also helps to promote designers and puts them in a better light thus promoting their business. Some of the feedback we got were pretty amazing, some of the celebs contacted some of these designers. It’s really beautiful when stuff like that happens.

M.Y: Some of these works shouldn’t be on here as spoofs alone. These are the guys who will revolutionize a lot of things in Nollywood.

So yeah. Get creative, put on your thinking caps…

Leslie: Better still, put on your laptops. Thinking caps won’t design the posters.

M.Y: The people know what I meant…

Leslie: Just had to put it out there…

M.Y: Put on your…laptops and get to designing.

Anyways Here are a few examples of the kind of stuff we’re expecting so you know to come correct. Feel me?

M.Y: Like Braille brother. Like Braille. And to view a full gallery of previous years entries, follow this link.

Leslie: The event is organized by Pixel Ninjas Guild  and proudly supported by Sodas & Popcorn and Eventiso

Blinded By The Sun (Part 2)


…………

George: Haha, Ribena George? That’s what you call me?

Me: Well, that’s what I would have… only that you disappeared without a trace

George: Yeah!!! I was in the bus before I remembered I dint ask for your number

Me: Talking of numbers, how did you get my number by the way?

George:  I got it from our NYSC year book, it took me good two weeks to find your picture in that goddamn book. By the way, that picture is horrible

Me:  Hahaha, I know  right, I’m surprised you even recognized me from there

George: Well, your name isn’t that common, we had only two Sophias in the whole book

Me: So have you called the other one?

George: Not yet

(We both laughed)

George: Good to hear you laugh for once. Where are you by the way?

Me: I’m in Lagos still, job hunting, you?

George: also, in Lagos, I got retained where i served but I haven’t resumed yet

Me: Oh! Lucky you

George: Yeah! So what are you doing Friday night?

Me: Nothing really, I have an interview by 10 am afterwards, that’s it.

George: Okay, so how about we go out Friday night, you down?

Me: Sure

George: Alright then, text your Blackberry pin so we chat better

Me: Alright, no problem

George: It was really nice hearing your voice

MeOh you have no idea I mumbled

George: What was that?

Me: Nothing,  I said same here

George: Alright dear, you take care now

Me: Aii, talk to you later.

 *Hangs up*

Yayyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!

The game came back on and I lost, like I care. I sent my Blackberry pin and we chatted all day long. He filled me in on what has happened over the last months,  how he got retained. He told me he was resuming work the following Monday and wanted to visit his parents in Ibadan….blah blah

The following day I begged my sister for money ( as a broke girl 😦 ), went shopping for a new dress, made my hair in preparation for  my interview date.  Friday morning, I went for the interview, did quite well but all that was in my head was my date with George. I hurried home immediately after the interview, freshened up and slept. George was to come pick me up at 7 so I set an alarm for 5:30pm, I woke up around 4pm thanks to the SMS that came in. It was from the company I did the interview and the message read;

Congratulations Ms. Bello, this is to inform you that you were successful at the interview you had in our company. Your training commences tomorrow by 9 am at our head office in V.I. You are however required to pick up your training materials from our office today. Please note that failure to pick up your materials means you’ve forfeited the position you are being offered”

I set out immediately for their office, going their wasn’t that hard as I was against traffic but coming back wasn’t that easy,  I spent over two hours on Third Mainland bridge alone. I kept chatting with George every step of the way, I eventually got home at 10:30 pm and I had to prepare for my training. I had no choice than to cancel my date with George 😦

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

4 months of serious hard-work later, I still hadn’t seen George. My new job got me working on Saturdays and the fact that he stayed in Lekki and I, Alausa dint make things easy either. Every time we planned seeing, something would always come up. But this didn’t stop us though, George and I communicated everyday in those 4 months. We would wake each other up in the morning, chat all day on BBM, Skype too sometimes. George became my best friend and my confidant,  there was nothing I couldn’t tell him and of course I fell in love with him even though he never asked me out or ask me to be his girlfriend but he would flirt and tease me all the time (which i loved).

 By August of that year, George’s sister was to get married in their hometown, Ibadan and of course I was invited. George told me I had to be there, no excuses. I started planning on how to get a casual leave, when that din’t work out, I lied and got a 2-day sick leave on the Friday and Saturday of the wedding. Friday morning I woke up early and set out to Opebi, walked into almost all the top boutiques there looking for the perfect dress. And that time I dint have to borrow money from my sister (big girl things :p ), I got a mustard coloured body con dress with plunging neckline,  damn that dress was sexy and expensive too *whew (things you do for love) . I made my hair, mani-pedi, did a little makeover too. By 4pm, everything was perfect so I headed to Ibadan.

I picked my phone expecting to see texts and missed calls from George but all I got was some stupid happy new month BCs and a text from my sister asking for George’s phone number ( she does that all the time, someone tell her I’m no longer a teen please :>) I assumed he was busy with wedding preparations so I went on anyway. Got to Ibadan very Late due to the “Friday traffic” , and Still no word from George . It was 11pm and I was alone in a city I barely knew, I had no idea what to do. I stood there at the Park for about 10 minutes calling George and got no response still. l found an ATM, checked what I had left in my account, it was just N=6,000 , all thanks to the dress, withdrew everything. Thanks to Wikitude, i found a hotel within my vicinity. The only prayer on my mind then was that it should be affordable. I got to the hotel and checked the list, the least was # 5,000 l rushed to the receptionist and she told me l was late that the lady at the Vending machine (pointing at a lady) just got the last 5k room.

 I looked at her direction and saw a lady casually dressed in jeans and top and she was wearing the same sandals as Me (George got the sandals for me ;;)) I approached her and the first thing she noticed too was my sandals , She pointed at it saying “We match”. I smiled thinking at least she’s friendly, this should be easy.

Me: *smiling*  Hi, I know this is really weird but I’m kinda stranded…. (I explained my ordeal to my new friend)

New Friend: So what do you need exactly’ ?

Me: The Next available room is #10,000 and I have just #6,000 on me, if you can help me with just #4000, I’ll have my sister transfer it back to you first thing tomorrow morning. I promise. Intact, I can give you my phone to hold as collateral.

 New Friend: *laughing* Its not that serious now, a Z10 as Collateral for #4,000? Haba!….Look, I don’t have upto that here’ Would have gotten the room too

Me: Choii! I’m in trouble

New Friend: Calm down , what I Can do is….. you’re not a witch or a serial killer are you? She asked sarcastically

Me: No, no, Of course not

New Friend: Ok, the room I got has a living room, you can stay there while I take the room. Is that okay?

Me: Oh my God, thank you *kneeling down*

New Friend: Common stand up jor, ko le to yen, I’m guessing you’re Yoruba.

Me: Yes, I am.

New Friend: My name is Morenike by the way…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

My phone rang around 2am and yes,it was George (*whew)

George: Baby mi toh sure

Me : Hey Georgie

George: Wassup now, I’m so so sorry I’ve been dead busy. l just got time to check my phone now and saw your missed calls. Where are you by the way, when are you coming?

Me: I’m in Ibadan already

George: Oh really? …….

Morenike came out of the room immediately my call with George ended.

Me: Oh you’re awake.  I hope I dint wake you

Moreike: No, not really, coudn’t sleep before then I heard your voice

Me: *cuts in” you aren’t scared of me are you?

Morenike: Hahaha! No… I just have something on my mind

Me: You mind sharing?

Morenike: Hmmm…. I’m actually here to surprise my boyfriend, we’ve been dating since University days. NYSC took me to Kaduna and I haven’t seen him in months, I dint tell him I was coming so I’m a little nervous.

Me: Awww…. how sweet

Morenike: Yeah he’s a good one. He had these sandals delivered to me in Kaduna (pointing at her sandals by the door) just to celebrate me getting a good PPA. Yeah, George is a good one….

😛 😛 😛

Blinded By The Sun


Hi guys, It’s been a while I know. Anyways I’m back…I think *rme. I hope I haven’t lost my mojo. This story you’re about to read is ALMOST true, the characters and names are real though! Here we go….

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“This is just hopeless” I muttered to myselfI  had been on the same spot for about 2 hours, under the scorching sun and was really starting to believe the meaning of NYSC to be “Now Your Suffering Continues” I thought I was done with the whole NYSC stress when I redeployed but it turned out I was just getting started. I dipped my hand in my backpack to pick the cold Ribena I had bought earlier but unfortunately, It wasn’t that cold anymore. l still took it anyway, I was still downing my not-so-cold Ribena when someone jerked me from behind and made me pour the Ribena on my white NYSC T-shirt. l turned back furiously to face the person but I could hardly see the person’s face as l was blinded by the sun and he was way too tall for comfort all I could hear was his ridiculously tiny voice that kept saying “I’m so sorry”. He handed me his handkerchief which I pushed away and kept yelling until I was satisfied, he only stood there and watched as I created a scene.

l faced my front back when I noticed all eyes on me and all of a sudden it wasn’t that sunny anymore. I turned back and realized my new “friend” had an umbrella and he was kind enough to put it over my head. What I wanted to say was “Bribing Me with your Umbrella won’t work but good thinking” but something about his face rendered me speechless and the next thing I know I was shaking his hands and introducing myself.

Him: Hi Sophia, I’m George

Me: Nice to meet you George 🙂

 In my head I thought: “Oh! Emm! Gee! Why did I yell at him? He’s so damn….

I heard pounding footsteps from behind, looked back to realize another queue had been created and people were rushing to the second queue.  I gathered my stuffs quickly and ran there. On getting there, the queue was almost twice the length of the first one. On seeing that,  I lost hope of completing my registration that day and was leaving when I heard my name. I turned to find my new friend George at the fifth position on the queue,  he signaled at me to come over, and he allowed me shunt in front of him.

25 minutes later, we were both done with our registration,  I thanked him again and he replied saying it was the least he could have done for ruining my shirt. In my mind I thought, Oh please, the shirt was ruined before anyway. We chatted as we walked to the park and I was praying in my mind that he asks for my number or BlackBerry pin at least, he got a bus and had to leave immediately. Damn!!!

I should have asked for his I thought but oh well….

8months, 2 PPAs and 2 weeks of joblessness later,  I was busy playing game on my phone when the call came in, I was so angry at the timing of the call as I was just about to beat my high score.  I picked angrily and screamed hello.

Caller: Lord! Sophia, are you always angry?

Me: Excuse you? Who’s this?

Caller: It’s me?

Me: Your name is “Me”? Interesting

Caller: Haha, stop it Sophia, its George.

(*Thinking* In all my life, I’ve only met one George so this better be who I think it is)

Caller: Hello, are you there?

Me; Yes, which George?

Caller: George Okpara, we met at NYSC state secretariat sometimes ago

 ……………Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!

Me: Oh My God! George, Ribena George…

Our Little Secret 3


So here I am sitting and wallowing in my own thoughts, with stacks of wedding magazines all around me. I mean, I know Chukie loves me but it’s been 6 years since we’ve been dating and he still hasn’t popped the question. All these years I was never bothered about it because I felt there was no need to rush but right now there’s a BIG reason to rush.

It was yesterday when Fiyin and I went to get the DNA result at the hospital, I thought I should use the opportunity to do some tests as I wasn’t feeling well, they ran a series of tests and it turns out I’m 6 weeks pregnant. I’m still a little confused on what to do and how to tell Chukie about it and the little statement Fiyin made about passing the night at Chukie‘s keeps ringing in my head. I mean what if Chukie is Mide‘s biological father.

And why dint anybody tell me about this earlier, neither Chukie nor Fiyin had mention that little detail for 4years, maybe they thought there’s nothing to it, I mean its really not a big deal, I trust my man, he wouldn’t….. and definitely not with Fiyin. Hmm, Fiyin!!! I really don’t seem to know her anymore. She has basically transformed from the sweet 17year old I met on my first day in school into this Slutty, desperate lady. I wonder what has….

(Phone rings…)

Me: Hellur! (In Medea‘s Voice)
Chukie (Over the phone): Hey Rabbit, wassup
Me: I dey o, feeling better now
Chukie: Ok, good to hear that. So do you think we can do dinner?
Me: Dinner, like a date?
Chukie: No, a month. Answer me jor.
Me: Hian! Let me check my schedule, I should be able to squeeze out some time for you
Chukie: Na you sabi, I’ll pick you at 7
Me: ok bye

Yippee!!! I ran into my room to look for what to wear. And I forgot about my worries…

At the restaurant, we had just finished eating and the waiter brought a bottle of wine. Chukie opened the wine bottle and poured into both glasses, he gave me mine and I gently put it down.

Chukie: (Nudging me) Yo! Why aren’t you drinking?
Me: I need to tell you something first
Chukie: o_O You look serious, is everything okay?
Me: I dunno mahn! Chukie we’ve been dating for about 6 years and I think by now
Chukie: (cuts in) Errr babe, I really think you should take that drink now
Me: Chukie, let me finish
Chukie: No, I don’t like how this conversation is going

(He dropped his wine glass, picked up mine and gulped it down and then opened his mouth to remove a 20-Carat Diamond ring and went down on his knees)

:O

Chukie: Will you marry me?
Me: I’m pregnant
Chukie: What?
Me: Yes
(Stands up)

Chukie: Wait, what?
Me: I’m pregnant Chukie, 6weeks, I found out yesterday
Chukie: OMG  (He lifted me up to hug me) So is that a yes?….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Its 1.00 am and I still couldn’t sleep. I turned over to see Chukie, fast asleep. Here he is, the love of my life and as of 3hours ago, my fiancé (Yes, I said Yes). I’ve loved him unconditionally for 6years without ever doubting his love for me and I’ll do anything to keep that going. As much as logic suggests he is Mide‘s father, I don’t have all the facts and accusing him will be a really dumb thing to do not to mention that it could ruin everything we’ve built. The only reasonable thing is just to talk to Fiyin again.

At brunch:

Me: Fiyin, I think you know why I called you here today.
Fiyin: *sighs* Yes, I do and after thinking carefully about it, I think….. Oh My God :O Finally? (she took my hand to check my ring)
Me:Yes o, finally and guess what?
Fiyin: What?
Me: I’m pregnant
Fiyin: I’m so happy for you sweety (she hugged me)
Me: Yeah, thanks, so you were saying…
Fiyin: Okay, after thinking carefully about it and with what I just heard now I think the best thing is just to come clean to Olumide, Shina has been calling me asking about the result of the DNA test and I’ve been feeding him lies. And seriously I don’t think it’s fair to either Olumide or Mide and even you, I mean, if I was in your shoes, I would want to know the truth before getting married and we’ve come far too long for this to come between us. So I’m just gonna tell Olumide everything, and if possible, get a paternity test. No matter the outcome, I’ll bear the consequences.
Me: Awww…..that’s a brave thing dear and I’ll be with you every step of the way, okay? (We hugged)

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Olumide: So , let me get this straight, Mide, Ademide is your daughter, and you thought my cousin Shina Rambo was the father until yesterday and now you think it might be Chukie?
Fiyin: Yes *nods slowly*
Olumide: *scoffs* WT..? Ok Olumide calm down (Talking to himself) When did all this happen again?
Fiyin: About 4 years ago….
Olumide: Ookay…continue
Fiyin: It was on Susan’s birthday, July 27th. I was pretty drunk and I ended up at Chukie’s place. And why do I have to continue, this isn’t the reaction I was expecting.
Olumide: Hold on a second. Do you remember meeting someone at Chukie’s house that night?
Fiyin:  Not really….no
Olumide: OMG! You are the girl
Fiyin: What girl, what are you talking about?
Olumide: I remember July 27th because it was the anniversary of my mum’s death, I wasn’t feeling too good so Chukie asked me to come over to his house and we would go clubbing but on getting there that night, I met Tiwa so we couldn’t go. I decided to play games all through the night, it was around 5 that Tiwa left for the library and just minutes later a girl came in drunk, she said she wanted to collect the house keys but Tiwa was gone. Chukie asked her to sleep over because of the way she was staggering around. I noticed she was pretty high on something and was throwing herself all over Chukie that night
Fiyin: Oh my GOD!!!
Olumide: Chukie begged me to take care of her because he was mad at her behavior and I think we both got carried away.
Fiyin: Oh my GOD!!!
Olumide: The following morning, she was gone before I woke up and I never said anything to Chukie….
Fiyin: ….And we met again, 2 years later at Chukie’s Sister’s wedding without recognizing each other. OH MY GOD!!!
Olumide: (raises his voice) So you have a kid??? and the kid is my…

Okbye…..

Our Little Secret 2


…..Fiyin wobbled on her feet and quickly grabbed onto me for support. I could see the fear in her eyes as she was trying to tell me what has happened but I couldn’t hear her due to the background noise. All I could make out was Shina Rambo, so I whispered in Olumide’s ears that she is tired and they should probably call it a night. He nodded and they paved their way through the crowd to leave. They went back to their hotel room alone….

Back in my own room I was so scared for her and a thousand thoughts ran through my head still trying to figure out what might have happened and why she was screaming Shina Rambo. I couldn’t even call her as her phone had been with me since the previous day.

The following morning, Olumide called me to bring Fiyin’s phone to the airport as they were heading to Ghana for their honeymoon. I met with them at the airport but they were not alone, they were with another couple who Olumide later introduced to me as his cousin Adeshina (Shina Rambo), and his wife Toni. It was then I figured out what Fiyin was trying to tell me. I moved over to where she was standing looking grumpy and sad and she told me Shina Rambo and his wife are coming to Ghana with them as the honeymoon trip is his (Shina Rambo’s) wedding gift to them. I hugged her and told her not to be bothered and she should try and enjoy her honeymoon regardless.

Two weeks later, they all returned from Ghana and in Fiyin’s words, this was what happened:

“The first few days were perfect, Olumide and I spent most of our time alone in the room and sometimes poolside then one afternoon Toni (Shina Rambo’s wife) came over to talk to me that she’s bored and both of us should go shopping so I followed her. While we were at the mall, we saw a baby store and she got emotional. She told me she’s been married to Shina Rambo for 4years and she has never been pregnant….it was just too emotional and we had to leave. I felt terrible to say the least knowing in my mind that he’s the father of my child.

In the evening, Toni came back to ask if Olumide would follow her to the spa, she had booked a couple’s spa and Shina said he wasn’t interested. I forced Olumide to go with her so she wouldn’t feel bad. I was glad to have an evening to myself. I took a shower, got into a pair of shorts and tank top and got into bed waiting for Olumide to come back. I jumped up when I heard a knock thinking it was Olumide only to see Shina at the door.

0_O

I asked what he wanted and he said he only came to talk so I invited him in. He started by asking if I told Olumide anything, I answered no and asked if he told Toni and he said no too. Then there was this awkward silence and…..

(cuts in… “OH MY GOD! Please tell me its not what I think it is, Fiyin please tell me you did not sleep with your husband’s cousin while on your honeymoon”)

I dunno Tiwa, I couldn’t help it. He was looking even cuter and damn that stupid cologne he was wearing.

Me: *Sighs* Fiyin, are you in love with him? I mean do you want to be with him instead, does he know about little Mide?Are you even going to talk to your husband about this? Do you think you got into this marriage too soon?

Fiyin: I really don’t have those answers yet my dear

Me: You better think about it, FAST

Fiyin continued seeing Shina secretly despite my warnings

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Fiyin ran into my house all excited this fateful afternoon, I was scared I almost dropped the plate of fruits I was holding.

Fiyin: Tiwa, Tiwa ….guess what? I’ve told Shina about Mide, You won’t believe what he said

Me: (with apple in mouth) What did he say?

Fiyin: Ah! He was very happy, he was just jumping all around. He said the issue of not having kids was starting to get to him and he’s starting to think he’s the one with the problem. He was a little mad at me for not telling him from the start  but we sorted that out too. And guess what else he said?

Me: What?

Fiyin: He said he loves me

Me: Oh!

Fiyin: What? You don’t believe him?

Me: Not that but wait, Is he gonna leave his wife, and what about Olumide, your husband, remember him?

Fiyin: Ermm…I dunno but I really like him and him saying he loves me just melted my heart. I haven’t really thought of what will happen next but if he asks me to marry him, I think I will. I’ll have a complete family you know.

Me: No, Fiyin answer my question, did he promise you marriage?

Fiyin: Not really, he insisted that him and Fiyin would get a DNA test and if its a match, he’ll show that to his wife, from there we’ll know the next step.

Me: Are you sure you want him to do that? Remember you were not even sure if he was just him you slept with

Fiyin: He was the only one, he said I only spent about an hour in his house that I left claiming I needed to come and meet you in Chukie’s house

Me: Wait, you went to Chukie’s house that day, when?

Fiyin: Yeah, In the morning to collect the key but you’ve already left there so I came home

Me: Oh ok (scoffs and stands up)

Fiyin:  So what do you think?

Me:  What do I think? Honestly,I think you’re a fool but well, its your life, do whatever you want.

Fiyin: Whatever, will you follow me to the hospital

Me: I’ve heard

Fiyin: Yay!!! I’m so excited

Few days later, Fiyin and I went to get the result of the DNA test and it wasn’t a match….Shina isn’t the biological father

#QuestionOfTheDay: Who is Mide’s father????

The Superhero Apparel


Growing up we never loved superheroes, but with Christian Bale playing Batman, Chris Hemsworth playing Thor and Robert Downey .Jnr being Iron Man, what girl would resist loving a superhero?

So we were browsing online and came across this creative fashion blend for girls to display their love for their favorite superhero character.

We are excited to see what other looks we can find, so there you have it. We do have a feeling that judging from how much bashing Loki got from the hulk, no one would like his outfit  🙂 ..xo… By the way, our favorite looks will be that of  Thor and Iron man…I’m sure you all know why x_x

Hahahahaha! Just occurred to us that we have/had super heroes in Naija as well, people like Fela, Dim Odumegwu Chukwuemeka Ojukwu “THE IKEMBA” – GBURU GBURU ONE , Isaac Adaka-Boro, King Jaja of Opobo, Usman Dan Fodio, Queen Amina of Zaria and many more. Please add your comments with names of Nigerians who you believe are or were superheroes.

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Our Little Secret


Its the D-day, she woke up with a wide smile on her face and she looked at me saying “This is really happening”. I stood up from where I was sitting to hold her, “Yes dear, its happening…finally” i replied. I hugged her as tears rolled down her cheeks, I couldn’t hold it in and I started crying too. Its been two years since Olumide and Fiyin started dating,  its their wedding day and the husband-to-be still has no idea that his bride’ s apparent “sister” is actually her daughter.

It all started four years ago….

It was a Saturday afternoon that day, Fiyin and I  just got back from reading at the state library. Our friend Susan was having her birthday party so we decided to go read in the morning then party later in the evening. Susan kept calling us that we were running late and the party had already started. We left home in a rush only to find out about halfway to the party that Fiyin didn’t take her house keys. We thought it didn’t matter since both of us would still come back home together so we went to the party.

At the party, we had fun, drank and danced like there was no tomorrow. At about 11:30, my boyfriend Chukie came around to pick us but Fiyin wasn’t ready to leave. She had met some “cute guys” and they were having fun so I left her and followed Chukie to his house. I was just settling in at Chukie‘s house when I saw the house keys, I called Fiyin to ask what she was going to do and she said I shouldn’t worry she’d sort herself out so I forgot about it and went to bed.

Fiyin came home the following day excited and told me what happened after I left the party. Apparently, the cute guys she was talking to invited her to go clubbing with them, after clubbing they went home together and he even gave her a cheque of #50,ooo when she was leaving. “Oh cool”  I replied her. Little did I know there was more to the story…

The next time I saw Fiyin was when I was in school to get my NYSC posting letter. I was so happy to see her after the three months break but I noticed she wasn’t too excited, we decided to go eat at the cafeteria.

The waitress came to take our order:

Waitress: What would you like to eat?

Me: A plate of rice and beans, fried fish and dodo 

Fiyin: Jollof rice, fish, two meat, ponmo, salad and moin -moin

:O

Me: FIYIN!!!

Fiyin: What nau?

Me: Is this how you’ve been eating, no wonder you’re fat :p

(She ignored my comment..)

Waitress: Drink?

Me: Fanta for both of us

(The waitress walked away…)

Me: Fiyin, what’s wrong? You don’t look happy

Fiyin: My dear, I’m in deep shit o

Me: Tell me what’s wrong?

Fiyin: I’m pregnant

Me: WHAT??? :O For who?

Fiyin: Remember Susan’s last birthday party when we were in school?

Me: Yeah sure

Fiyin: I told you I went clubbing with those guys right, after clubbing I followed them home,  I was pretty drunk that night and one thing  led to the other I slept with one or more of them. I really cant remember

Me: WHAT??? FIYIN!!! What the hell have you done? Why dint you say something??

Fiyin: The truth is I was ashamed, especially knowing the fact that you told me to leave the party that night. I probably would have gone home but I dint have my keys too so I just thought one night of fun wouldn’t hurt, I dint know this was going to happen

(She bursted into tears and stopped as the waitress approached)

The waitress served us and left…

Me: Do you even know which of them is responsible?

Fiyin: I really have no idea, even the cheque I was given that day bounced and the name I saw on it was Shina Rambo …

(cuts in….)

Me: Shina Rambo ke? Naah that can’t be right

Fiyin: I don’t think I can even recognize any of them, I dint take a number cuz I dint plan on seeing them again, I don’t know what to do 😦

(I moved close to hold her hand)

Me: Did you at least call Susan to ask her about them?

Fiyin: I did,  but I couldn’t tell her what was wrong and when I mentioned Shina Rambo she laughed and hung up.

Me: Yeah, that’s pretty funny………But you’re keeping the baby right?

Fiyin: I have to, My parents already know about it, my mum isn’t even talking to me at the moment.

Me: I’m sure they’ll come around…pele dear

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Little Mide ran into the room excited about something, I carried her and she showed me the pack of Malteasers she was holding, “Uncle Chukie gave me” she said in her cute little voice. I looked up to see my 6 ft 1 “prince” walk in…

😉

He smiled and I welcomed him with a hug. He came to pick the rings and also deliver a message from the groom, he left a few minutes later and Fiyin and I went back to our discussion. She told me she has agreements with her parents never to mention who Mide‘s parents are to anyone and since she was their only child, they really don’t mind taking care of Mide. We all got dressed and headed to the church.

Few hours later, the deed was done,  Fiyin and Olumide were officially married. We were all happy and our little secret was safe, Until later in the evening, at the wedding after-party.

Fiyin was literally dancing her ass off as the Deejay played “Olo mi” by Tosin Martins when this tall cute guy came out from nowhere and started spraying her #1000 notes, she looked up to smile at him and even danced more. The guy whispered in her ears, you don’t remember me, do you? She shook her head, he replied with a smile ” Shina Rambo, I’m Olumide’s cousin”.

Your perfect uncle…the horrible Dad


Its either you have or know one, that particular uncle, aunt, brother, sister, friend etc that seems so perfect to you but then you realize they are not so perfect. He/She is always well behaved outside their home, they are religious, and they impose decisions and try to control how you behave.

Image

I have this uncle who we named “Baba Policy”, whenever he comes around, everything changes. You have to pray five times daily, you cant watch TV after 9:00pm yada yada blah blah!

What is my point, I hear you ask? Wouldn’t you expect that this man’s children will be so well behaved, the perfect children you would wish for? But no, in this case the reverse is the case. The children are far from good.

I’m not trying to judge or anything but trust me the things these children do and say are things I never thought of doing while I was their age.

So my POINT is, parents don’t really have to be harsh raising their children. As a parent how would you feel if you pick up your daughter’s phone and her status says “I hate my dad..he doesn’t let me do anything” (bbm angry face). That’s gonna hurt real bad no matter what, they might be kids but they still mean it one way or the otherImage

So do you have someone in you life that fits this profile?

Born to Survive (Part 2)


Hey guys, thanks for all the nice comments…I’m blushing :$

So, where was i?….Ehnehn

The first day of the curfew was a Monday, woke up very early. I couldn’t leave my room so i picked my DVD player and continued watching “Vampire Diaries” which turned out to be too creepy for me. I watched it anyway until the battery of the DVD player went flat so i decided to sleep back. I was just dozing off when i started hearing some funny noises. I went by the door to check what was going on.

I stepped out only to see the four in-patients strolling around the hospital “Oh God I’m dead”  i thought in my head. The last time I was in their rooms, they were all chained to their beds, how did they get out???. I forced a smile and greeted them, they all smiled back “hey corper, wassup” they chorused. I tried to act as normal as possible but i couldn’t help but ask how they got out of their chains and they smiled asking me if i really expected them to stay in chains and wait for the hoodlums to burn down the hospital, i smiled back saying No. They turned away saying they wanted to go to the balcony upstairs to see whats happening……I followed them.

It was then i really saw what was going on,  all major roads were blocked, shops were closed, i saw a group of guys burning tires and holding sticks chanting in Hausa. That was when the guys started talking in Hausa too, i quietly sneaked off and locked myself in the room. I called the owner of the hospital ( the man dint even call to check on me, *smh), i screamed on the phone that i was scared and he should come and get me. He told me there was nothing he could do, his house was too far, there’s no way he could come over and said if I was too scared i should go hide in his office and lock the door, and he hung up.

                                                                   WOW

I was stunned to say the least, i should hide in his office??? Is the office bomb/bullet-proof. :/ ??

It wasn’t up to 5minutes that he texted me back to tell me i should cook for the patients, that their parents called to tell him they wouldn’t be bringing food because of the curfew. I wasn’t even angry as i was hungry too. I cooked Noodles, took my own portion and was then left with how to get theirs to them. I peeped out to check if they were still at the balcony, luckily for me they were there. I quickly ran across to one of the rooms and dropped the whole pot of noodles and ran back to my room. I called out to them from my bedroom window which was adjacent the balcony to tell them i dropped food in their room. “Enjoy it while it last” i said silently. I spent the rest of the day hiding inside my room and eating cereal.

The following day, i repeated the same thing, cooked noodles again ( Yes, i love it that much :p). Unfortunately, they were in their rooms. I recited all the Quranic verses i could remember and stepped out. I entered their room, greeted them and dropped the food and was just about turning around when one of them grabbed my wrist and asked me why i was scared of them. “Duhh….you’re drug addicts, who wouldn’t be” i dint say that out loud tho.

I smiled and denied it saying I wasn’t scared, they asked me why i never come to their rooms or talk to them ” ibo ni ipade oloja ati asiwin” (Pardon my vernacular)……..and i dint say that out loud either. I was forced to sit and they narrated their stories, how they got addicted to codeine in cough syrups (which i still don’t get till now). I kept nodding and repeating “ehya”. I left a few min afterwards to the solitude of my room, playing games and watching movies.

It was night and i was preparing for bed when i heard the knock on my bed, i stopped moving then someone called corper (0_O) i remained quiet and the person kept knocking for about 5minutes. Luckily for me there was no light so it was easy for me to pretend I was sleeping. I went to bed.

The following morning, I wanted to drink cereal and discovered I’ve ran out of drinking water . I stepped out of my room and i heard a vehicle moving outside, i went outside the gate and saw their were little movements on the street compared to the previous days so i went to the “mallam” to buy water and he told me he dint have. I was just thinking of what to do when a man across the road signalled me to come over. I went and he asked me what i was thinking coming out of hiding. I was confused for a while.

He told me the “mallam” had water but he wouldn’t sell to me and nobody in the neighborhood would either as “I’m not one of them” and that i should stop wearing trousers. He gave me 3 sachet water, told me that the curfew had been lifted and movement restricted from 2pm-6am so I should get out of town if I could because if the hoodlums found their way to our street, they wouldn’t hesitate to rat me out.

I texted the doctor that I was leaving whether or not he came to the hospital. I looked for the longest skirt I had, picked a long sleeved shirt , wrapped myself with a long pashmina and picked just 2 other tops in my bag. I dint bother to go to the ward or anything i ran out of the hospital, called my aunt that lived in the next city that i was coming. Getting to the park it was a mad place, it was like every single person was trying to get out of the town that day. there were few buses and about 300 people so everybody was hustling for bus. I spent over 2hours trying to get a bus, i was stepped on and pushed around severally.

It was about 12;45 when a man changed his mind about travelling and told me to come take his seat in the bus. We left the park but were unable to leave the town as there was traffic caused by the numerous road blocks. The bus-driver announced that if we still can’t get out by 1:45 he would drop us back at the park because of the curfew.

It was 1:1o and we still had three more roadblocks ahead of us when a convoy lead by an army escort came. All the roadblocks were removed and our bus immediately followed the convoy pretending to be one of them. We got out of the state at exactly 1;56pm.

I saw numerous burnt vehicles on the way; a tanker with the remains of the driver still on his seat, a vehicle with a whole family all burnt to ashes. A passenger in the vehicle told us how the villagers in those places attacked anybody that didn’t speak or dress “like one of them” .

Tears rolled down my cheeks as i prayed to God for saving my life; for sending the unknown man to tell me what was going on and of course “ori maami” (Yes, i’m Yoruba :D).

I redeployed a few weeks later and never went back.

I wonder what happened to those guys and why they came to my room that night *rme